Embrace the Season that you're in.
I remember seeing a photo of myself late last September. I remember taking a deep breath, staring at the curves there- and saying, “oh, boy.” I remember standing on the scale, seeing 211, the numbers on it. I remember asking an employee at the gym if I was using the scale right- and I was. I was 211- the same weight that I was the day I gave birth to my daughter, 6 months beforehand. And this continued until the end of February, when I finally took my life back.
This is not a subtle flex on the weight I’ve lost. Because the past 6 months since then have taught me so much more than that. I’m going to share something that I’ve wanted to tell every single person who has said to me, “Wow, you look so good.” and “You’ve lost so much weight!” because I’ve just lost 28 pounds. Which is a huge deal to me. But for those who are doubting themselves and wishing that they were able lose weight like this, l but feel like SOMETHING is MISSING and they can’t lose that weight- let me just tell you: It just might not be that season for you. And that’s okay.
I tried to ignore the thoughts in my head- telling me to bounce back immediately. I scrolled quickly past perfect bodies on the internet and tried not to be concerned when I had to buy new clothes. After having an emergency c-section, I had no idea how much I would have to recover. It wasn’t until 6 months later that my body would even let me move without the pain from my scar when I exercised, and I just wallowed in it.
The thing is- I had to accept that body. I had to love that body. That body was providing for my family, working 45 hour weeks for weddings + shoots, breastfeeding full time, and functioning on zero sleep. It was fighting the late winter nights and the lack of sleep I got till my daughter turned 9 months old. Oh, this sweet body was fighting the good fight.
This is what I’ve told everyone that wanted to know the secret- I wasn’t mentally ready to lose weight until February. I didn’t have the emotional and physical stamina yet. Once I got some more sun and was at a place where I told my husband I was going to the gym every night, that’s when I was able to slowly overcome that.
My body wasn’t my own yet- until I had stopped breastfeeding and started going to the gym every single day. Till I joined a weight loss program and got a health coach. (Bod E Talk is what I’ve had) Hillary and Stacy Summers taught me about eating without guilt. About truly LISTENING to my body, and that’s what’s made the difference. And this is what I’ve learned so far:
My body and mind are so much stronger now. I can run and not be out of breath. I am developing discipline in ways that I never have— and here’s the secret: with discipline comes POWER. As I’ve laced up my athletic shoes and ran out on the field to play lacrosse, I feel powerful and in control. I haven’t felt that in years.
I don’t need to eat as much as I think I need. The world tells us we need SO MUCH MORE food than we do. That’s how we celebrate, explore cultures, and get to know one another- but if I decrease my portions then I can still be present, just in control.
The scale doesn’t define me. My decisions do.
But here’s the biggest takeaway - I needed to embrace the season that I was in.
That weight clung to me the way my fears, worry and stress did. I wasn’t sleeping. I was overwhelmed and stressed- which means it literally wasn’t possible to lose weight. If you feel like you can’t lose weight: take a look at your life. If there are things you can take off your plate, if you can give yourself time to read a good book and go on a walk, get an extra hour of sleep - then you can lose weight. If you’re listening to your body in those ways, than you can take yourself to the gym and make yourself present. If you’re working 10 hour shifts and aren’t sleeping much, DON’T BE HARD ON YOURSELF. Embrace the season that you’re in.
Love the fights that you’re fighting right now. I finally, finally feel after 9 months of pregnancy and 10 months of sleepless nights after that, that I can finally take control of the body I have. That’s 19 months of growing a child, caring for that child, and embracing that stage. I’m so grateful for that stage. And now it’s my turn to be in this season- this season of pursuing my passions, lacrosse games, and lots of fresh fruits and veggies.
I think the first step is embracing the seasons we’re in- the ones where we run at full speed, going and running and living a blessed “summery” life - as well as the introspective “winters” in our lives, where we have to be so kind to ourselves and take stock of where we are. Embrace the Season that we’re in.